October 4, 2010

Waiting for Disney

So as far as this blog goes, I love to write, but I'm been laying low with this blog for awhile just because I'm not quite sure what to say. I'm still playing the waiting game with Disney, but I should know by the time my family comes back from visiting a certain sister of mine in Austria (EEK. EXCITED) whether I made it or not. Meanwhile, I have a million emotions going through my head the closer I get to having an answer...

"I really want this."
"I don't think I can do this."
"I hope I get in."
"I hope I don't get in."

 Obviously, I've got a little bit of conflicting emotions going on here. It's really strange for me to be feeling all of this self-doubt after I've worked so hard to get to this point. But here I am, waiting, waiting, and waiting, and all my "confident plans" are beginning to look more and more fragile. Throwing a big chunk of my life in someone else's hands and knowing that their "yes" or "no" can completely change my life has a way of messing with my confidence. And then I calm myself down, and I realize that I'm counting my eggs before they've hatched, because I'm worrying over something that is out of my control. God knows the plans he has for me, and from the very beginning of this process I've been praying for His will to be done, I have been straining my ears to hear the quietest whisper of direction, and God is faithful. All of my fears, all of my worries about tomorrow, they seem so small when I realize how big God is.

I feel like I've exhausted the topic of waiting for Disney, I promise that I won't blog about it again until I know something definitive. Meanwhile, I might just blog about a certain foreign country I'll be visiting (during heightened security for all American travelers, oh ya! Planned that right.) It's going to be awesome though. Auf wiedersehen!

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go