January 30, 2011


But the Lord said to me, " Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. (1:7-8)

No more fear.
No more, "What have I gotten myself into's?"
No more, "I'm too young for this."
No more, "What will I say?"
No more, "What if I'm not strong enough?"
No more fear.

Because this is where I am supposed to be. I was made to live a life full of living, a life laced with adrenaline, a life coated in adventure and uncertainties, a life that comes with no guarantees. This may be hard, but it may be worth it. This may hurt, but it may make me grow. This may be amazing, but I will never know if I don't take the chance.

January 16, 2011

Counting Down Daze

Over the past week I have had a ridicules amount of people say, "So when do you leave?!"
And every time I shock myself a little by answering, "Next month!!"
Because really, reality just continues to baffel me.
I still can't believe that I am really moving to Florida.
Next month.
Goodness it's a bit overwhelming.
And VERY exciting.
But just saying the words out loud, saying, "In one month I won't live here anymore."
It kind of forces me to stare reality in the eyes.
Forces me to wake up and smell the coffee.
Or tea, since I'm not much of a coffee person.
In one month I'll start a crazy journey that will test me...
that will make me stronger...
that will scare me...
that will be filled with lessons...
that will take me way beyond my comfort zone.
And you know what?
I am completely stoked about this smack of reality that is going to take to the Sunshine State.
If you notice a dazed expressions on my face, it's just because I'm still a little amazed that this is all happening.
But believe me, I'm so excited and scared and completely loving this journey that I'm on.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
Eddie Rickenbacker

January 11, 2011

26 Facts

  1. I drink out of an orange OSU water bottle all the time...even though I am a born and bred OU fan.
  2. I can't hold a pen during a sermon without snapping the cap on and off the whole time.
  3. I could listen to the song "Summer Again" by The Afters 100 times in a row and still not get tired of it.
  4. Sometimes I cover the distance of a hotel hallway with running leaps.
  5. I like feta cheese on a spinach and strawberry salad.
  6. I get really shy about my writings, even though I like people reading them.
  7. Singing is not my forte in life, "Happy Birthday Jesus" was the beginning and end of my singing career...and I was in kindergarten.
  8. I tivo Disney shows to watch when the rest of my family isn't around to make fun of me.
  9. I love the feeling of sand in between my toes.
  10. If you play acoustic guitar, you get major brownie points from me.
  11. I like to daydream.
  12. I cope with scary roller coasters by talking the whole way through them.
  13. Nobody really cares, but I like to mention that I'm growing my hair out a lot.
  14. I love nicknames.
  15. If I'm super comfortable around someone, they get to see the teasing and sarcastic side of me. 
  16. I always wanted an older brother to beat up the boys.
  17. I like waking up early to make my breakfast and then crawling back into bed to eat it while I listen to Chase Coy and forget about real life for awhile.
  18. I like poetry. Sometimes, like today, I like the really wordy John Donne poetry that you have to read fifty times before you understand it.
  19. I like vasaline. I feel like it's a cure all for everything that duct tape can't fix.
  20. I like 10 mile runs in 60 degree weather in the middle of January.
  21. I like pretending that things will all work out even when it's more confusing than that.
  22. I like baking cupcakes with homemade cream cheese frosting and then eating 90% of them...thus the ten mile run afterwards.
  23. I like grey nail polish.
  24. I like immagining I'm running off to catch a jet plane to someplace southern.
  25. I like the word "picturesque".

January 8, 2011

End of Year Reflections - 2010

2010, man it's been good. Great actually. I have been blessed abundantly in my relationships this year. I have loved and been loved, I have been encouraged in my faith, and I have met so many new friends that have really made the ins and outs of every day amazing.

At the same time, especially in the past few months, I am being reminded of the cost of love. The inevitable heartache when friendships don't work out or when people disappoint, the pain of watching mistakes be made and all you can do is be a friend, the hurt that distance plays between friendships that used to be so strong. Life, basically. Reality decided to give me a good smack in the face over the past month or so, and despite it being an expected smack in the face, it still stung a little. Still stings. Still makes me ready for a new page.

The funny thing is, despite some of the nitty grittiness that has surfaced recently, it's been good. So good. God is good. Maybe it's been good because of the nitty grittiness, as strange as that seems. Maybe the dirt, the down on the ground, those "this is what living really is" moments, maybe those are what make is all so worthwhile. Not the perfect moments, but the exciting moments, the true moments, the moments when I realize that God's hand is seen so much clearer when I give it all up. When I surrender control and admit that life is gritty. That's when the blinders are taken off of my green eyes and I begin to have a clearer perspective on who God is. That's when I am shown characteristics of my Lord that I have not seen before. That's when I really start living.

If there is one thing that I feel like I've been learning over and over again in the course of 2010, it's that love is worth it. Loving people even when it hurts, loving God even when it's hard, loving friends even when you'll leave, loving is just worth it. It's worth the pain, the blood, the sweat, and tears, love is worth it. 2010 has been an incredibly year of learning what it means to love, learning the cost of love, learning how to love. I am oh so thankful for all of the people who have snuck into my life when I least expected it and showed me what it means to live a life of love, who have made this year incredible.

2011 is just around the corner, it has slipped into my life so quickly that I feel a bit unprepared, but still very excited. This will be a crazy year, a year SO filled with change (umm...moving off into my own apartment in a new state to start a new job for 6 months, then coming back for college in the fall, no big deal.) I am ready for the new start, the new beginning that will be coming way (semi-terrified, but still ready). So with one last farewell to 2010, a beautiful and crazy year if there ever was one, I am looking forward to 2011, looking forward and with a little half smile and a wink, saying, "Bring it." 

Scared and Small

Ever have that mixture of feelings between being extremely excited and scared to death?
Ever wonder if you should have waited to do something, except you know that if you had waited you would have never been brave enough to take the chance?
Ever second guess your courage?
Ever wish that time would speed up and slow down at the same time?
Ever pack a bag to move to Disney World for six months on your own?
Ever think that just maybe you've gone crazy?
Ever count your blessings to the point that you've lost track of how many you have?
Ever feel so small that God seems ginormous?
Ever love the feeling of being small?

I am a mixture of excitement and shaking in my boots scared.
I know that I am taking a chance that I was born to take, right now, in the moment I am in, and that if I had passed it up I would always regret it.
I've been second guessing my courage but I'm still loving the fact that this is the first time in my life when my courage has been thoroughly tested because now is my chance to prove to myself that I am brave.
I am swinging between holding onto the moments I am living in and wishing that the next few months would fly by.
I started buying bedding for Disney World yesterday.
I am 100% sure that I started going a little crazy the day I began working hard to graduate early and it's all been downhill from there.
I've gone way beyond loosing track of the blessings in my life because they have been so abundant recently.
I am learning every day just how small I am and just how in control of the world God is.
I like knowing that I am small.

January 7, 2011

"Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed, the victory is won, He is risen from the dead...and I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain, I will rise on eagles' wings, before my God fall on my knees, and rise."

Over the past few weeks I have been feeling the heartbeat of eternity crying out in my soul over and over again."He has placed eternity in the heart of men." could be my life verse, because every second of every day I feel this longing inside my heart for the day when there will be no more pain and no more sorrow. Truly, I do not know how people can live life here on earth without the promise of being with God for forever. I don't know how you can face pain and tears and sorrow without being about to shout through the tears, "Where oh death is your sting?!"

I am tired of heartbreak tonight. Tired of the day when the word Parkinson's entered into my vocabulary. Tired of knowing that my friend's hearts are burdened with a grief that they find hard to bear. But always, even in the midst of the pain that is swimming around the world right now, I am being encouraged in my faith... strengthened by the promises that I believe in. It doesn't make sense, the more I draw near to God the more I discover that very few things about this faith that consumes my life make much sense at all, but Jesus provides a peace that passes all my understanding. Tonight, I am shouting out through the burdens, shouting out through the pain, shouting out through my fears, shouting out to the world, "Jesus has overcome!"