January 8, 2011

End of Year Reflections - 2010

2010, man it's been good. Great actually. I have been blessed abundantly in my relationships this year. I have loved and been loved, I have been encouraged in my faith, and I have met so many new friends that have really made the ins and outs of every day amazing.

At the same time, especially in the past few months, I am being reminded of the cost of love. The inevitable heartache when friendships don't work out or when people disappoint, the pain of watching mistakes be made and all you can do is be a friend, the hurt that distance plays between friendships that used to be so strong. Life, basically. Reality decided to give me a good smack in the face over the past month or so, and despite it being an expected smack in the face, it still stung a little. Still stings. Still makes me ready for a new page.

The funny thing is, despite some of the nitty grittiness that has surfaced recently, it's been good. So good. God is good. Maybe it's been good because of the nitty grittiness, as strange as that seems. Maybe the dirt, the down on the ground, those "this is what living really is" moments, maybe those are what make is all so worthwhile. Not the perfect moments, but the exciting moments, the true moments, the moments when I realize that God's hand is seen so much clearer when I give it all up. When I surrender control and admit that life is gritty. That's when the blinders are taken off of my green eyes and I begin to have a clearer perspective on who God is. That's when I am shown characteristics of my Lord that I have not seen before. That's when I really start living.

If there is one thing that I feel like I've been learning over and over again in the course of 2010, it's that love is worth it. Loving people even when it hurts, loving God even when it's hard, loving friends even when you'll leave, loving is just worth it. It's worth the pain, the blood, the sweat, and tears, love is worth it. 2010 has been an incredibly year of learning what it means to love, learning the cost of love, learning how to love. I am oh so thankful for all of the people who have snuck into my life when I least expected it and showed me what it means to live a life of love, who have made this year incredible.

2011 is just around the corner, it has slipped into my life so quickly that I feel a bit unprepared, but still very excited. This will be a crazy year, a year SO filled with change (umm...moving off into my own apartment in a new state to start a new job for 6 months, then coming back for college in the fall, no big deal.) I am ready for the new start, the new beginning that will be coming way (semi-terrified, but still ready). So with one last farewell to 2010, a beautiful and crazy year if there ever was one, I am looking forward to 2011, looking forward and with a little half smile and a wink, saying, "Bring it."