April 27, 2011

Disney - Tired Nights and Long Days

It's late at night, 4:03 to be exact, but somewhere along the last few weeks my mind has been trained not to go to bed until 4 am. I thought that I would die with this sleep schedule, and I kind of am dieing, but at the same time I'm adjusting to becoming a night person.

Adjusting and dieing, that's how I feel.
Oh, and 100%, totally and completely, exhausted.

This week has just been brutal. As cliché as it sounds, I've never felt so tired in my life before. I love Disney, I'd recommend this program to anyone who was interested in it because I can go on and on about all of the good things that I've experienced since coming down, but I have to be honest: the CP's are basically slave labor for Disney. Somehow we get more hours, less pay, less benefits, and just a million little things that we're cheated out of that part time and full time employees receive. One of my coordinators even said this the other day, and I quote, "Yeah if I'm honest the CP's get screwed over, they really do."

So with that encouraging thought, I'm trying so hard not too be overwhelmed to the point of giving up when it comes to work. I'm learning what a hard worth ethic is, and I love it. I'm learning what it means to get out of bed after four hours of sleep and drag yourself to a 13.5 hour shift and have a good attitude about it when you really don't want to. I'm learning how to deal with a million different types of people. I'm learning life. I'm learning living.

As the park preps for the upcoming grad nights, two different weekends with a bunch of big name bands (3OH3 and Pete Wentz are just a few) to entertain a park that's only open to high school seniors, I'm being reminded that I really chose a different life. If I was home, I would be getting ready for graduation, I would have done all of the senior year things that I still wish I had done, instead of paying rent and driving to work and buying groceries and gas and all in all growing up much more quickly than I ever imagined. As I work in a world that encourages innocence and imagination, I have to juggle a balance of growing up and remembering that I'm only 18 and I don't need to have it all figured out. I don't need to grow up too fast...I just have to make sure I have enough money to buy groceries after rent and gas. Juggling. Balancing life. Growing up and staying young.
It’s late, I’m ready to call it quits for the night, ready to get some sleep to prep myself for the next few days of work. Easter Sunday I work from 4:45 pm to 4:45 am…and as bad as that sounds, I’m excited that I’ll still have time to go to church in the morning. I was telling Jenni (the roomie, not the sister) last night that I’m just bummed, because Easter is one of my favorite seasons, but I haven’t been able to focus on it at all this year. I didn’t even realize that yesterday was Good Friday because my days blur together so quickly. But Easter, Easter is coming. I may be working, I may be tired and fighting the desire to complain and be cranky, but there’s a bigger picture. My life may be consumed by Disney and work right now, but it isn’t controlled by it. If you want the honest insight into my heart, I have to say that it’s easy to be overwhelmed and forgetful of a bigger purpose, but I’m fighting it. I’ve never been so hungry in my faith before, so desperate for God and still so fulfilled by His peace. Satisfied. I’ve never felt so exhausted and so where I’m supposed to be. It’s tiring, but it’s good. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. My life right now is pushing me to my limits, but you know what...Sunday is coming. :