September 26, 2011

Almost October

Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee...
St. Augustine 

I have the travel bug right always gets bad this time of year. Maybe it's because the sky starts getting a little bit blue-er, fresh washed with that almost Autumn feel. Or maybe it's because the days lose their blazing heat of summer, and it's easy to want to be outside. It could be the smell of bonfires permeating the air late at night. Maybe it's the way the roads look so inviting, maybe that's why I get so restless to jump in a car and drive until I lose all track of time.
Or maybe it's just me. 
Because without fail, this restlessness never goes away. I've been jumpy the last few days. On edge. Discontent. I'm ready to go skydiving again, or hiking, or jet skiing, or something that involves adrenaline/the outdoors/movement/ a road trip/ all of the above. Maybe pumpkin picking or a haunted corn maze. 
Movement. Travel. Adventure. 
Sometimes I like to think that this restlessness, this search for something more, is eternity crying out in my heart. Eternity has been placed inside of me, and sometimes, on nights like tonight, I feel it more than ever. There's more to this life than just homework assignments. There's more to this life than waking up and going through the motions before going to sleep at the end of the day. Eternity is calling me. And until that day when I can answer the call, I will live the life of Heaven as best as I can here on earth...
But I am restless. Seeking adventure. Searching for some unknown voyage to embark on. A road less traveled. An plane to jump out of. An autumn sky to twirl beneath. 

Oh, my ways are strange ways and new ways and old ways, 
And deep ways and steep ways and high ways and low,
 I'm at home and at ease on a track that I know not, 
And restless and lost on a road that I know. 
Henry Lawson 

September 23, 2011

Run In Such A Way

Tomorrow I’m running for a race greater than what I’ve run before.
Before, I have run to prove myself to the world.
Tomorrow, I run for humility.
Before, I have run for my own emotions.
Tomorrow, I run to rely on God.
Before, I have run to compete against myself.
Tomorrow, I run because I have a team that I need to give everything I am to.
Tomorrow I am running a race as a new runner.
I’m running it as a girl who has taken dead last, and who is determined to do better.
I am running tomorrow because I want to run for God.
He gave me two legs.
He gave my the ability to breath in through my nose and out through my mouth.
He gave me encouragement when I was faltering.
And I want to give everything that I am back to him.
So tomorrow I’m running a race differently.
I may still place last.
I may trip.
I may falter.
I may not win any prize.
But my attitude is changing.
Right here, right now, in this night before a run.
I am changing the way I view the shoes I lace up.
I am changing the way I view my training.
Because there is more to this life than just running.
There is a bigger race that I am a part of right now.
And for some reason or another, physically running is playing an important role in my testimony.
So tomorrow, I am running in such a way as to win the prize.
I am running with a passion that I’ve been lacking.
I am running for a cause that I’ve ignored.
I am running towards eternity.
Running for God.
Tomorrow I’m running for a race greater than what I’ve run before. 

September 22, 2011


I am forgetting the sovereignty
Of the I am
The strength that surpasses all
In humility waits for me
Not to pass by
I am forgetting how to follow
A path that takes every ounce
Of your soul and tears and love
So here I am
An empty vessel, waiting to be filled
Humble me, oh God
For my pride consumes me
Overtake me
For my steps are faltering
Be my Sovereign God
Be my Sovereign God

Amanda Wachtel

Atlantic Coastline

This stretch of sand has been scraped clean
Wave washed and sun bleached
I have come to this escape
I have come to find the sea
My road turns behind me
Choices made and paths unseen
I have taken a higher calling
Into the blue, into the sea
Lead me forward ocean waves
Guide me and my feet
To the trail through murky ocean graves
Into the western sea
I am searching for the tales of old
The mariner’s great rhymes
For my heart is bound is kelp and salt
And my soul enthralled by time
Lead me forward to the western shores
The white capped wild seas
For there’s a wanderer in the heart of me
And a sailor lost at sea

Amanda Wachtel

September 12, 2011


I've heard it said a thousand times
I've walked the tightrope and stretched the line

My heart is pure, my motives mixed
I have the cravings of a gypsy pirate

Sail the seas and tame the sand
Search the horizon for foreign land

Walk away from the pain it takes
To open up to love undone

I know the art of how to run
I'm riding the storm that adventure takes 

Deeply longing for a different wave
Searching seas for old ships lost 

I walk the tightrope, I pay the cost 
And my heart is stubborn 

Refusing to be stolen 
I've heard it said thousand times

But I can't win this fight
To open up to love undone

The storm blows through
And I, I know the art of how to run

September 7, 2011

Bike Ride Around The Lake

old friends 
sweet text messages  
smiles in my direction 
hugs that I really needed  
crazy colored sunset
cookie dough 
good tennis shoes 
new autumn breezes
music from tangled 
a little bit of bittersweetness 
it's september 7
and life is good. 

September 2, 2011

Hello September

Hello September.

I can't really believe that you've already come back around, it's been a fast year. One year ago this month, I was 17, I'd never been to Europe, I didn't know if I would move to Florida or not, and I hadn't graduated early yet.

This month, I'm almost 19, I've been to Europe and almost even better, gotten to shake hands with the world on a daily basis because of my job, I not only moved to Florida, but I finished off my Disney internship strong, and I've been all settled into my dorm room for three weeks now.
I wouldn't say that I've come full circle, even though I am back in Oklahoma now, in the very city I grew up in, but I would say that I'm back at a very familiar spot as a very different girl with a very different outlook on life these days. I've just lived a little, that's all. It expands your heart and mind, it makes you realize how little you know, and if you're like me, it cements the fact that you were born to wander and travel and live on the edge of adrenaline. I like that. I like how I've changed. I like feeling as if I have a story now.

And oh man, it's a crazy story that I could ramble on and on about. Hindsight is such a funny deal, because God's hand on my life over the past year has been so strong and so clear, that I can't help but laugh at my stubbornness and the way that God has used it to get me in the right place at the right time. Really, if you're ever curious, all you have to do is ask me why I came to SNU and you'll get to hear about me being stubborn and God being sneaky. He's up to something really big right now (well, I guess he always is), but at my cross country retreat last weekend in the midst of comparing stories with another girl, we had a moment of, "Wow, we are really supposed to be here, aren't we?" There's a reason why two and half years ago I felt the desire to graduate early even when I didn't have any plans for what I'd do after that. There's a reason why I filled out an application for an internship that I was terrified of. There's a reason why I didn't win that I-Pad during Naz Nite at 6 Flags, but I did fill out a college application, unbeknown to me. There's a reason why I packed up a little blue Honda and drove to Florida even when I wasn't sure if I could make it. There's a reason why I heard about the cross country team. There are a hundred reasons why things clicked into place, and God has been so amazingly blatantly obvious in my life over the past year that I get excited just thinking about it. So please, ask me the story of how I got here next time you see me, because I love getting to hear people laugh and me and my silly plans that wouldn't have been half as amazing as God's plans for my life.
But for now, it's the first weekend of September. Most of my friends are going down to Naz Nite at 6 Flags once again (word of warning: if you've stubbornly said since you were 10 years old that you would never go to SNU, don't fill out any papers to win ANYTHING. Otherwise you might end up like me, sitting in a college dorm room, wearing a crimson and cream track jacket, typing on a school issued Mac laptop, laughing at where you were a year ago.) and I'm about to finish up my homework for the weekend, start some laundry, and take a nice long nap. Tomorrow it's off to Wichita to cheer for my team as they compete in their first meet, and then it's home for the first time in three weeks to pick up everything that I forgot and enjoy the holiday weekend.

So September, bring it on. I'm beyond ready for Autumn and adventures and everything that college is right now. Who knows where I'll be in one year from now when I'm reflecting on September 2011...isn't that an exciting thought?