April 24, 2012

Giving Up and Trusting God

Just trust. 
Stop worrying about the how's and the why's and the when's. 
Just take a deep breath. 
Work your hardest. 
Do your best. 
And then give it up to God. 
Sometimes what happens isn't what you expected. 
Sometimes just trusting takes you to schools you never expected to find yourself walking around every day. 
Sometimes just trusting is hard. 
Sometimes it feels like every door is closing.
I've been stressing. 
A little worried. 
Watching doors closing. 
Waiting for a window to open. 
Two months. 
A hundred job applications. 
Saying, "I can't commit until I know for sure..." a thousand times. 
I've known what I've wanted. 
I've wanted to live in OKC for the summer. 
While I'd love to be home with my family again, I've been gone from Ponca for too long. 
It would be hard to go back to that town. 
Besides, I made a silly promise when I left a year and a half ago that I wouldn't go back. 
Sometimes I try and keep my silly promises. 
But I couldn't commit to living on campus with my friends until I had a job. 
I couldn't commit to what I wanted to do unless it lined up with what I needed to do. 
Today was the critical day. 
I had one chance at a job left. 
One chance. 
And I had an email in my inbox telling me that it was time to commit to living on campus or time to come up with another plan. 
Time was up. 
My prayer driving to my interview was simple...
God, this is the last chance. Every other door has closed. Time is up. Your will be done. 
I like that prayer a lot. 
The last part especially. 
"Your will be done.
Sometimes it's hard to say, but there's a feeling in deepest part of my heart that surrenders everything when I say those words. 
Freedom like that isn't felt every day. 
So I walked into the interview. 
Immediately at ease. 
Shaking hands. 
Casual. 
Flipping through my application. 
Funny things started happening. 
I talked with three people today.
One of them was from Ponca, and the other lady has done a Disney Internship...just like me. 
Crazy coincidence. 
I started to get really excited. 
We were all talking like old friends. 
They asked me how many hours I'd be willing to work, I told them as many as possible, and they told me how the process will go from here on out. 
Just. Like. That. 
And then, these complete strangers whom I've never worked for in my life, asked me how many years I have till I graduate. 
When I told them I have 3 left, my new Disney friend jumped up and said, "Oh good! We've got you for a few more years!" 
Down to the day when I needed an answer, I got one. 
I would've liked to have a job secured two months ago, but I didn't need it secured until, literally, today. 
Today was my tipping point. 
Today was my last chance.  
I've told my friends, "Just pray that before I need to make a decision, something will happen." 
And they've been backing me up. 
They've been praying. 
I've tried not to worry. 
And God is so cool. 
Just trust. 
Just let it go, Mandy. 
Work hard. 
Fill in a thousand applications. 
Put on your best smile. 
But then, drop everything and just trust God. 
Because every single time...God shows up. 
And that's just crazy awesome.