June 19, 2012

Counting Blessings

Staying up late, past 2 am, to simply say...
I am blessed. 
Blessed by relationships. 
Blessed by promises. 
Blessed by actions. 

I am a sceptic of words. You can say a lot and never really mean anything and you can say very little and mean the world. 
But these days, I am being proved daily that sometimes words are followed up by actions. 
And in those crazy circumstances, when the words are the most powerful words you can say, the actions that follow have the power to change your life. 
Strong words. Good words. Actions that speak even louder. 

I am blessed by truthfulness. 
Trust. 
Love. 
Blessed by relationships that I do not deserve. 
Friends that forgive me daily. 
Parents that show me what love, holy and lasting love, looks like. 
A man that is leading me and changing my life in a hundred amazing ways. (And if you're reading this Blake..._ ____ ___!) 

Overwhelmed with blessings. 
Even when there are new decisions ahead of me.  
Surrounded by encouragement and support. 
Blessed by friends and family that go beyond the words and live out their love. 
They're worth staying up past 2am to write about. 
I am so very thankful tonight...so very blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. 

June 8, 2012

When Running Hurts

So close to giving up. 
Every day. 
Every moment. 
Every first few steps. 
Sweat in my eyes. 
Pain in my legs. 
A million hurts that aren't there any other time of the day. 
Ice. 
Pain. 
Pain. 
Pain. 
So close to giving up. 
Forgetting why I do what I do. 
Letting all of the other voices take precedence in my head. 
Listening to my fears. 
Accepting my doubts and my failures. 
Never expecting anything better. 
Ignoring the quiet voices. 
The encouragement. 
Forgetting why I take the first few steps. 
Determination.
Freedom. 
Movement. 
Escape. 
Adrenaline. 
The feeling only achieved when you fight the pain. 
Conquering the doubts. 
Beating the expectations. 
Waking up and doing it all over again. 

Giving up is always there. 
I can always do it whenever I want to. 
But continuing? 
That's hit or miss. 
That's an every day choice that determines everything I do. 
If on one day I say, "I quit."
Then there are a thousand days afterwards when I will always regret those words. 
But saying, "I will not give up..."? 
There will be a thousand days afterwards when I will thank myself for the determination it took to keep going. 
There is pain. 
Demoralization. 
Sweat in my eyes. 
Muscles and tendons and joints that hurt. 

But today, today I will not give up. 
I choose to keep going. 
Ignoring everything inside of me that is screaming for an easier way out. 
Fighting the pain. 
Fighting because I need this fight. 
Every day. 
Every moment. 
Every first few steps. 

June 2, 2012

Talking Tennis

Tennis.
Rackets.
Pro shop.
Country club.
US Open.
Have I mentioned that I am a runner?
More familiar with these words:
Trainers.
Spikes.
Steve Prefontaine.
Lactate threshold.
Out and back.
I don't even know what a backswing is.
And yet, at this moment, I am surrounded by tennis balls.
Dealing with a punk kid from the pool.
Looking at an empty schedule for the afternoon and an empty office.
Accepting monatony.
Denying laziness.
Considering an ab workout for the next five hours.
As far as jobs go, I really can't complain.
I believe that this is what they call "easy money".
There are no parades minutes behind me.
No crazy guests exhausted from the heat and demanding water.
But I do feel like a runner and an adventuresome spirit and a "get up a do something" girl stuck in an easy going rut.
Searching for purpose here.
Wearing a new nametag.
Soaking in summer.
A real summer.
A summer like I haven't had in a long time.
A summer where I have time to sit in the sunshine.
To read a bunch of books.
To train.
To catch up with old friends.
A summer to be bored.
And a summer where I have a chance to serve.
To search for something bigger than me.
Want to read something funny?
Something ironic?
Something that will let you get a peek into my heart and its desires?
Well then...look at this blog post that I posted almost exactly one year ago today.
I promise it's one of my favorites, because I've never written words that I meant more than them.


That's my heart cry.
Serving God, no matter what.
In a quiet tennis shop.
In front of a castle.
On a dusty road that my grandpa walked as a kid.
In the middle of Australia.
Wherever I go, whatever I do, no matter where my office view is...serving God isn't a location based thing.
It's a heart based thing.
Something I can do from wherever I am...even if it simply means doing my job to the best of my ability for the time being.
This isn't where I want to stay, but it's where I am located.
So I'm talking tennis right now.
For some reason, this is exactly where I am supposed to be for the time being.
Serving God in a tennis shop with free time to spare.

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.