June 8, 2012

When Running Hurts

So close to giving up. 
Every day. 
Every moment. 
Every first few steps. 
Sweat in my eyes. 
Pain in my legs. 
A million hurts that aren't there any other time of the day. 
Ice. 
Pain. 
Pain. 
Pain. 
So close to giving up. 
Forgetting why I do what I do. 
Letting all of the other voices take precedence in my head. 
Listening to my fears. 
Accepting my doubts and my failures. 
Never expecting anything better. 
Ignoring the quiet voices. 
The encouragement. 
Forgetting why I take the first few steps. 
Determination.
Freedom. 
Movement. 
Escape. 
Adrenaline. 
The feeling only achieved when you fight the pain. 
Conquering the doubts. 
Beating the expectations. 
Waking up and doing it all over again. 

Giving up is always there. 
I can always do it whenever I want to. 
But continuing? 
That's hit or miss. 
That's an every day choice that determines everything I do. 
If on one day I say, "I quit."
Then there are a thousand days afterwards when I will always regret those words. 
But saying, "I will not give up..."? 
There will be a thousand days afterwards when I will thank myself for the determination it took to keep going. 
There is pain. 
Demoralization. 
Sweat in my eyes. 
Muscles and tendons and joints that hurt. 

But today, today I will not give up. 
I choose to keep going. 
Ignoring everything inside of me that is screaming for an easier way out. 
Fighting the pain. 
Fighting because I need this fight. 
Every day. 
Every moment. 
Every first few steps.