January 18, 2015

3 Resolutions for the Tired Hearts

We are officially over half way through the month of January and inching our way towards February. Purposefully, I have waited until the mass wave of New Year’s resolutions and words have filtered through the blogging world. You see, this post is not one of those beautifully written and perfectly articulated posts for the new year. Hardly even close.

This post is for the tired hearts.

This post is for the people out there who feel exactly the same way as they did on December 31st. These words are for anyone who wants to feel refreshed and energized, but instead feel like they are running on empty. This post is for you, sitting behind your glowing computer screen, on the days when you feel most exhausted. These words are written from my heart to yours, from a state of tiredness that no caffeine can fix. The new year came, and my soul still felt weary.

I love new beginnings. I love clean slates and fresh months. I love the new year. I even love resolutions. But, not this year. This year, January 1st felt an awfully like 2014 and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was no more motivated to be better, run faster, and jump higher then I had been just the day before.

2015 has come, and I am still me.

I still hesitate in my prayers as I wrestle with who God is. I still drive the same road to work and sit at the same desk. I still question. I still hope. I still breathe this good air and drink clean water. The new year did not bring about any outwardly changes into my hemisphere.

I tried to think of goals. I tried to write a list of all the changes I wanted to make, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I tried to motivate myself. Jump through one more hoop. Draw one more circle. And sadly, slowly, I felt defeated. Before the year had hardly even begun, I was tired. As the clock struck midnight and the page flipped to a new day, I was ready to cross off the whole year. Next year, I told myself, I’ll feel more prepared. Next year, I’ll be ready for the new year. Next year, I’ll have it all together. Next year... 

Enough. I am enough.”

In my tired heart, God’s steady voice whispers truth. In the midst of my fears, my obsessiveness, and my chaos, God is constant. True. Yesterday and today, tomorrow and forever, He remains who He is.

Enough. I am enough.”

With just the smallest whisper, my new year has been rocked to its core. Enough, God? But what about dreams, jobs, grad school? What about food, a home, a friend? Are you enough, God?

Enough. I am enough.”

Suddenly, any resolution I might have tried to make pales in comparison to the thought that God is enough for my tired heart. Do you ever have those realizations that you have been running and running for an illusive goal, when the real prize was right next to you the whole time?

I’ve had this idea that I needed to have it all together, present a perfect picture to the world, and then it would be okay. I drew this image of perfection around New Year’s day, imagining myself planning and proactively seeking new things. But when that picture failed to live up to my expectations, I felt weary. Tired. Ceaselessly shooting for an impossible goal. When all along, God has been steadily running right there next to me, whispering, “I am enough.”

Eighteen days into the new year, I finally have resolutions.

1.     Wake up and pray, “God, You are enough.” Pray this every day until my heart leads the prayer without prompting. Pray it until the words are etched across my mind and engraved into my very being. God, You are enough.

2.     Tell someone else, anyone else, as much as I can, God is enough. You don’t need to take better pictures, or run faster races, or build bigger houses to have worth. God is enough. His love is enough. His acceptance is enough. Stop pushing and pulling and always feeling tired because it is never enough. All of those earthly thing, they will never be enough. They will never satisfy. But God is enough. Always.

3.     Write it out, a hundred times if necessary, God is enough. Write it until my fingers cramp. Write it until I've mailed a thousand letters to the far off corners of the world. Write it into my life until my heart finds renewal. Write it in my words until they stop saying “I’m worried” and start saying “God is enough.” Write it into my eyes until they only seek the road He has prepared, instead of wandering to lesser paths. Write it until my muscles remember how it feels to trust in God even when it is hard. God is enough.

Will you join me on this journey? Sure, we won't lose weight with these resolutions, at least not physical weight...but our hearts might feel lighter. And we most probably won't grow any stronger, at least not physically. Chances are even high that our homes won't become more organized, unless we really do consider the heart as a home. Overall, the world around us is not likely to change too dramatically. But what if, just what if, we changed in the process? What if we began trusting Jesus more completely, more fully, then we ever knew was possible? What if our faith leapt into the arms of Jesus and found a save haven?

What if, just what if, we began to really believe and hope and trust and know... God is enough?

So tell me, what are your prayers and resolutions for this new year? 

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